You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2008.
In case you hadn’t heard, we’re going to be voting for a new President come November. There has been a lot of hubbub about it – especially over the summer. So let’s get you up to speed, starting with the basics. Read the rest of this entry »
There’s this rumor going around of a financial crisis in the United States. Because of this, the government is considering a $700 billion dollar bailout – and I couldn’t be happier. Read the rest of this entry »
Full article can be read HERE.
I’m not necessarily concerned with cell phones destroying the potential for life, and I’ve gotten over cell phones destroying society, but now I’m concerned about how cell phones have been destroying one particular life – mine. Read the rest of this entry »
Full article can be read HERE.
With the veep selections behind them and both of their respective conventions having now come to a close, Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama have a lot of work ahead of them. After all, they still have to select their cabinet members.
By picking Sarah Palin, McCain created a media hysteria (and he appealed to disappointed Hillary Clinton supporters who don’t care so much about politics and policy as they do about seeing someone with two X chromosomes in office.)
But who will Obama pick next in order to get media attention and praise back on his side?
The Youth Vote ’08 satire team looked into our crystal ball, predicted, speculated and decided with 100 percent accuracy who each candidate will pick to fill out their cabinets. It’s logical really… Read the rest of this entry »
24-hour news is destroying America. Read the rest of this entry »
We were all excited when John McCain selected Sarah Palin to be his running mate. The mystery (Alaska) and excitement of this random governor intrigued.
But after we found out she had a pregnant teenage daughter, that she originally supported “the bridge to nowhere”, that she wasn’t exactly the thriftiest governor of Alaska, that she was the mayor of a town of 9,000 (not the typoed 9,000,000), that her son Track (allegedly) joined the military in order to avoid jail time for drugs or vandalism, that she (allegedly) pretended to be pregnant to cover her daughter’s pregnancy, and that she’s (allegedly) half Klingon, people began to doubt McCain’s choice.
So now that the “Sarah-Palin-who?” hype has worn off and some of her less-than-desirable traits are visible, here are a few candidates the American people would have been more okay with McCain picking than Palin. Read the rest of this entry »
Polls have become an essential part of the election process. (By “essential,” we mean the unexplainable need to predict the final result of the election, even though it’s more than two months away.) Recently some polls have shown that while McCain has gained a slight overall lead, he still trails among youth voters.
So in an effort to win over this most troubling of demographics for the geriatric McCain, his campaign will soon publish a self-administered quiz in several youth magazines and Web sites to help the youth decide whom they should vote for.
Here’s a preview:
*note to the editor: if that intro is too convoluted or doesn’t work, just lose the first graph (see below). I didn’t have the heart to cut it down myself (I would have made a horrible Travis Coates) so you’re going to have to do it*
In an effort to win over youth voters – the most troubling of demographics for the geriatric John McCain – his campaign will soon publish a self-administered quiz in several youth magazines and Web sites to help the youth decide whom they should vote for.
Here’s a preview:
What would you consider yourself?
a. Republican
b. Democrat
c. Totally Awesome
If you picked C, John McCain is your man. He doesn’t worry about labels like “Republican,” “Democrat,” and “Consistency”. He’s all about being awesome, and he’s committed to making America awesome when he gets elected.
What is the most important political issue to you?
a. Economy
b. War in Iraq
c. Having Fun
Are you all about having fun? Because so is John McCain. He’ll fix the economy and win the war, all while having fun. Take any of the issues facing America – energy independence, immigration, abortion – and it’s going to be a rip-roaring good time making America better.
What is your favorite genre of movie?
a. Comedy
b. Action
c. Talkie
Did you pick C? You’re old! John McCain may not be a young adult anymore, but he still loved “The Dark Knight” and “Pineapple Express”. He’s definitely over the hype of “The Jazz Singer” – it came out nearly 10 years before he was even born!
A president should?
a. Be smart
b. Be funny
c. Have a hot wife
John McCain is all of these things. He’s a Senator, so you know he’s smart. He has been on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” lots of times (I bet you love that show) so you know he’s funny. And not only is Cindy McCain a looker, but she’s not old! Only 54!
Who is your favorite Jonas Brother?
a. Nick
b. Joe
c. Kevin
It doesn’t matter who you picked, because John McCain loves them all. He listens to the Jonas Brothers while driving around in his Straight Talk Express. He’s even considering having them play at his inauguration.
Polls have become an essential part of the election process. (By “essential,” I mean the unexplainable need to predict the final result of the election, even though it’s more than two months away.) Recently some polls have shown that while McCain has gained a slight overall lead, he still trails among youth voters.
So in an effort to win over this most troubling of demographics for the geriatric McCain, his campaign will soon publish a self-administered quiz in several youth magazines and Web sites to help the youth decide whom they should vote for.
Here’s a preview: Read the rest of this entry »
Full article can be read HERE.
