So the title of this post is a huge exaggeration and incredibly misleading, but let me tell you how one of the best days of my life went down.

Knowing I would reside in New York for my internship with Newsweek magazine, I decided to get tickets for my favorite show “The Colbert Report,” which is taped in Manhattan. I reserved four free tickets months ago and went yesterday with my fiancee, Nikki, and another BYU intern, Brooke (the fourth, sadly, couldn’t come so we just didn’t worry about it).

When we were all seated in the studio, a stand-up comedian came out – his name I’ve since forgotten – to kind of kill time as Stephen finished up any last-minute things for the show. The comedian was rather hilarious and very entertaining.

When it was time for Stephen to come into the studio, he did so as any Greatest American Ever would – to the raucous claps and cheers of his audience and thumping music. He ran through the studio, pumping up the crowd and slapping high-fives (one of which was with me – a hand I will never wash)

He said a few words, but then opened it up to the audience for any questions. One person asked what his favorite TV show was besides his own, to which he replied, “Oh, I like my show.”

Another asked about other musical guests he hopes to one day sing with, to which he replied, “I like Neil Diamond,” and then proceeded to sing a bit for us.

While Nikki and I considered asking him if he would officiate our wedding, I decided to ask him something I really wanted to know – something to give me an insight into the man – so I raised my hand. When he called on me, after briefly wetting my pants, I said to him, “You’re obviously involved in both the writing aspect and the performance aspect of the show.”

To which he replied, “Yes sir.”

I asked, “Which is more fulfilling to you? Which do you like more?”

Standing only a few feet away from me, he took a step closer. Pointing back and forth between himself and I he said, “This is what I like the most.”

I didn’t know whether he was making a faux homosexual pass at me, a real homosexual pass at me, or if I should respond with something like, “Mr. Colbert, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?” So I just laughed, with everyone else.

He went on to actually answer my question by stating there are a lot of people involved and everyone gets together to build a show. He’s just the very tip of the process and “it’s all I can do to f— it up.”

He finished with, “But I do like the laughs.”

The show was hilarious and his performance excellent (although he did have to do his opening bit twice since he messed up the first time). It was a glorious, glorious time.

That is all.