You are currently browsing the daily archive for July 15th, 2007.
There’s an old adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”
As a writer, I am mildly offended by that sentiment. Is ANY picture worth ANY thousand words? Is the Mona Lisa equal in value to the word “word” 1,000 times? Or is the poetry of Poe, where every word and nuance and implication is not only selected with immeasurable care, but with lasting impact, as good as the pictures of crotch resulting from the “take a picture of your crotch with your friend’s camera without them noticing” game?
While a picture may be worth 1,000 words of dribble shelled out by a middle school student’s standard inverted pyramid thesis statement, three body paragraphs and a conclusion essay, to apply that equality across the board is simply naïve.
There is a lot that goes into a good 1,000 words, just as there is a lot that goes into a good picture. Regardless of picture’s medium (photography, paint, etc.) lighting, depth, framing and other visual principles are essential to take into account when creating visual art. Just as research, grammar, punctuation and other principles of writing are essential to create written art. So let us not be so quick to judge the equality of different arts before taking into account their value, impact and creativity.
But, if a picture is indeed worth a thousand words, what are a thousand pictures worth? Or what is one word worth? And where can we find an exchange rate for these symbolic representations of ideas? Well, I have taken the liberty to create an accurate measure.
1 Picture = 1,000 Words
1 Idiom = 1,000 Pictures
1 Hyperbole = 1,000 Idioms
1 Cliché = 1,000 Hyperboles
1 Assonance = 1,000 Clichés
1 Alliteration = 1,000 Assonances
1 Personification = 1,000 Alliterations
1 Simile = 1,000 Personifications
1 Metaphor = 1,000 Similes
1 Allegory = 1,000 Metaphors
1 Onomatopoeia = 1,000 Allegories
So, mathematically speaking, one onomatopoeia is worth one decillion (one with 33 zeros or 1.0 x 1033) words. One page of single spaced, 12 point, Times Now Roman font, with one inch margins all around can fit about 750 words. So one onomatopoeia is worth 1.3 nonillion (one with 30 threes or 1.333 x 1030) pages.
So, next time you get an assignment for a huge paper, just turn in a page that says, in big print, “BAMF.”
That should more than cover it.
That is all.
-Scotty
Speaking of the English language…
You know what’s awkward? The word “awkward”. It’s got a “WKW” right in a row? What other word in the English language has a “WKW” right in a row? None that I know of.
And that’s awkward.
That is all.
-Scotty
Everyone has played this game with a young child just learning their alphabet -
You: What sound does the letter “B” make?
Them: Buh!
You: Good! What sound does the letter “S” make?
Them: Sssssssssssssss.
Then they probably giggle because they sound like a snake. And you probably giggle because you’re weird like that.
So in an attempt to relive those precious memories – and to prove a point – I have played that game with people my age. Turns out, it’s a harder game than most thought.
Me: What sound does the letter “Q” make?
Them: Kwuh.
Me: No, “Qu” makes the “Kwuh” sound. What sound does “Q” make?
Them (After a little pondering): “Kuh”
And then I begin my rant -
Me: “Q” is the most worthless letter in the English alphabet. Not only is it extremely dependent (even worse than a freshman girl to her boyfriend) but we’ve already got two letters that make the “Kuh” sound: “C” and “K”. What do we need a third one for?
You: But then how would we spell words like “Queen” and “Quail”?
Me: Easy. Substitute a “Kw” for the “Qu”. Or, if you prefer, just a “K” for the “Q”. (ie: kween, kueen)
You: But that looks weird!
Me: You look weird!
You: I don’t know what that has to do with anything.
Me: It has everything to do with everything!
You: How so?
Me: Here’s the problem, you’re just comparing apples and oranges here (Which is a good way to sound smart/get out of any debate. Even worked for me on my high school debate team.)
Then a fist fight ensues. All because you kuestioned the kuality of my alphabetical inkuiry.
That is all.
-Scotty
I finally figured out why I don’t like BYU. But let me start on what happened before this epiphany – which then kept me awake for an hour or two – entered my brain.
Dick Cheney came to speak at BYU commencement a week ago. Besides his horrible attempt to twist his getting kicked out of Yale twice into a message of being able to adapt your plans to what life gives you, his speech was fine. It was more the students who worried me.
Cheney’s statement in the first minute of his speech, “Thank you for the warm welcome to Provo, Utah, home to one of the finest universities in the United States of America” resulted in 11 seconds of applause from the audience.
A few minutes later the comment, “you’ll remember every year that you’ve been at BYU the school has been ranked number one in the category of Stone-Cold Sober” brought a full 16 seconds of even more raucous, more emphatic, more convincing cheering and applause.
The number isn’t what is necessarily significant, even though I decided to waste my time counting, but it got me thinking about the people of this university.
All universities strive to be better. They want to have better sports, better academics, a better campus. Not BYU. They don’t want to be better. They want to be better than someone else.
That’s a little harsh, and probably isn’t true for the university, but I think it is true for a lot of the students. They think since they don’t drink, they’re better people. Or, even worse, they think since they’re Mormon, they’re better people. Neither are true.
The fact I don’t drink alcohol does not make me a better person, it makes me someone who doesn’t drink alcohol. Just like a Catholic who reads their scriptures every day (although you’d be hard pressed to find one not wearing a white collar) is not a better person, they’re just diligent in their scripture reading. I may not read my scriptures every day, and they may have a beer from time to time, but who’s a better person? Well, God knows, but we certainly don’t, and it’s not our job to decide that.
So what’s my point?
My point is, many students at BYU are more proud of their annual sobriety than their university’s academics. The problem is, when you get interviewed for a job, while they will care if you’re a blubbering alcoholic (especially during your interview) they probably won’t care too much if you’ve sworn off drinking for life. They probably throw back a cold one from time to time themselves. Are you better than them? Probably not, since you getting that job is in their hands.
I can imagine the job interview now…
You: I graduated from BYU.
Them: Well, congrats on not experiencing life, but we were actually looking for someone with an education. Sorry.
Now, I jest a bit. BYU does provide a good education for its students, but can’t it be better? Why are Stanford, Rice, and Columbia Universities ranked higher than BYU?
Well, in that Princeton Review, the one that awards Stone-Cold Soberness, BYU is only academically ranked in the top 20 schools for its library and being run smoothly. Which is great! But with other academic awards, those dealing with quality of professors, students, classes, competitiveness and overall experience – you know, things having to do with education – BYU doesn’t appear in the top 20.
But who cares? We’re ranked in the top 20 in 12 other categories, eight of which relate to how conservative the university is! And that’s what BYU is all about – not being willing to consider others’ viewpoints!
So hurrah for being Stone-Cold Sober, and maybe a little yippee for one of the, but not THE, finest universities in the US.
That is all.
-Scotty
